Tess’s Gathering April 26th, 2024

 

Dear Tess, It’s Sam here

 Dear Tess,

 

It’s Sam here, your favorite son-in-law, as you always referred to me and reminded me every time we were together.  Being your only son-in-law, I always loved the humor in this, and it’s a title I carry with tremendous pride.  Your sense of humor always cracked me up.  Like the times you’d motion to me to come over to you while you were looking through family photos, with this mischievous look in your eye, like you were about to share a secret that no one else could know:  “Sam, you know I think you’re cute, but that little brother of yours is really something else!”  

 

What a gift to have had you in my life and to have been loved by you.  The sadness in thinking about future days without you in them is immense.  The sadness I feel for Pete losing his wife of 46 years and my concern for the quiet he is facing, of Lauren losing her mom that she could always call in times of desperation, for Barry losing his little sister, for all of our unique sense of loss.  The regret for having not spent more time together.  It’s so hard.  But as light serves to cast out darkness, so shall our despair yield to the joy of having you in our lives.  Sadness yielding to pure adoration of the beauty of your soul.

 

You truly were a light everywhere you went.  I don’t know if you ever realized the extent of this truth.  Perhaps you were too humble to even have the ability.  I loved how you never met a stranger.  You always made everyone feel special – it was the endearing look in your eye, the extra squeeze of your hugs, the comforting rub on the back, your genuine interest in others.  Your always asking how my family was doing, reminding me how sweet my parents are and how much they love their boys, your always asking about Mike and Julie.  You giving Lauren a stern “Lauren you better be nice to that boy” (talking about me).  You were always interested in others, in an honest way that is uncommon these days.  You would always have a story to tell about the bagger at the grocery store, where he’s from and what he’s studying in school and the fact that he has a girlfriend.  The mark you left on people – they all remember that cute little lady that talked to them that day at the store, at the park, at the restaurant.  That time on the airplane you told Charles Barkely “oh I just loooove you”, to which he replied “I love you too!”.  These memories bring me such joy.   

 

Observing your elation in the simplest things has really had an impact on me.  Hearing the tone of excitement in your voice as you told us how beautiful Yellowstone was, how exciting it was to be in the Outer Banks, how proud you were to show me your new red Marmot jacket, knowing how I’m into those outdoorsy things.  How supremely proud you were of your daughter and told everyone about her, whether they asked or not.  The deep and unending love for your husband, even if he drove you a little crazy.  Your strength through unimaginable tragedy.  

 

I will miss your texts to ask about how I think Ricky Fowler is going to do in the golf tournament this weekend.  I will miss you calling me to vent about how the Panthers blew yet another 4th quarter lead.  I will miss hearing the anticipation in Nolan and Wesley’s voice when they asked “is grandma Tess coming???”.  You were always the life of the party and the center of eveyone’s attention.  Our Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings every year are moments that I will cherish forever.  You crackingjokes and being a smart elec.  What an overwhelming gift it is to have been loved and have had you in our lives in such a big way.  You were truly a gift to me, to our family, to this world.  And you continue to be a gift in your presence and our memories, and those will live forever.         

 

As I’m concluding this on my back porch, as the sun is rising and the songbirds are distractingly loud, I wonder to myself, is that you singing?  It feels like it.  How desperate of me.  Yet, as this childish dream occurs to me, I also can’t deny your warm, comforting presence.  Not a denial of your being gone, but an awareness of your presence in my spirit.  The way God reveals himself in nature, when I’m in awe of a raging waterfall, or the soothing sound of a refreshing rain shower, or the vistas from the parkway as the sun sets over the Pisgah range, or our immense smallness in this vast universe – so big, so far away, too hard to comprehend, yet so connected.  Or the cheer of the songbird’s chorus stretching across a spring morning as far as the ear can hear.   

 

And you are out there singing.  

You are here, singing.  

 

I love you Tess.

 

Your favorite son-in-law, 

 

Sam

Tess - Music and the things we did together

 When Tess loved a group I tried to get tickets. The groups we went I see included Journey, Bon Jovi twice, once in Greenville, Wanted, wanted, dead or alive. Pink, in Atlanta, probably the best concert we ever went too. Pink was just and incredible performer and much deeper in her song writing lyrics than many people gave her credit for. I loved the song Try and that’s how I got hooked on Pink. Tess loved John Bonjovi and Ritchie Sambora the lead guitarist in the band. Tess loved Annie, Annie Lennox and Sting. I got tickets to see both of them in Nashville. There was no evidence that they were in town and even when we got to the outdoor venue it was a secret. We had seats in a covered area near the stage and I think Tess figured out that it was Sting and then a couple of gay guys sitting in front of us said Annie Lennox and Tess went nuts… Sting and Annie!!! It was a great night and I decided that what made these white bands great was their black back up singers.

When we went to see Pink it was in Atlanta and I got a hotel near Underground Atlanta. Underground had been rediscovered and reinvented while we were there while in college. It was a very popular place. But when we went back for this concert it had become run down. The hotel was nice enough and we took a cab to the the concert. I had gotten in the habit of taking a taxi to and from the concert to avoid driving at night, this was before Uber although we did use Uber to go to concerts and two that I hadn’t mentioned were Darius Rucker and Hootie and the Blowfish. Darius was great but he had a terribly LOUD opening band called something like the bee stingers. Hootie was good, that was in or on Daniel Island in Charleston. We walked there from the hotel on a board walk trail. Very cool.

We also went to see Kieth Urban who was great but also very Loud and very long. And was saw I think her name is Vonda Shepherd as the opening act for Annie Lennox as a single act and I think that was in Atlanta and I think that’s when we met the kids of the guy who invented the Keurig Coffee maker. We shared a cab with them and struck up a conversation. They told us how they used to sit a a table and make the k cups like on an assembly line.

can you calculate the driving distance between He...

Sure. Here are the driving distances from Hendersonville, NC to various cities:

• The distance between Hendersonville, NC and Banner Elk, NC is 98.1 miles along I-40 E according to Google Maps, and it should take 2 hours and 6 minutes to get there. See the directions here.
• The distance between Hendersonville, NC and New Bern, NC is 381 miles along I-85 N according to Google Maps, and it should take 6 hours and 2 minutes to get there. See the directions here.
• The distance between Hendersonville, NC and Sylva, NC is 62.1 miles along I-40 and US-74 W/Great Smoky Mountains Expy according to Google Maps, and it should take 1 hour and 9 minutes to get there. See the directions here.
• The distance between Hendersonville, NC and Blowing Rock, NC is 113 miles along I-40 E according to Google Maps, and it should take 2 hours and 13 minutes to get there. See the directions here.
• The distance between Hendersonville, NC and Saluda, NC is 11.6 miles along US-176 E according to Google Maps, and it should take 22 minutes to get there. See the directions here.
• The distance between Hendersonville, NC and Southport, NC is 320 miles along US-74 E according to Google Maps, and it should take 5 hours and 27 minutes to get there. See the directions here.
• The distance between Hendersonville, NC and Edenton, NC is 405 miles along I-85 N according to Google Maps, and it should take 6 hours and 17 minutes to get there. See the directions here.

Tess- Everwood

 There were shows that I watched, shows that she watched and shows that we watched. One that we watched was Everwood. Every night between 8 and 9 we would watch our show. It might be a movie, with a star like Jennifer Aniston or Reese Witherspoon or it might be a show like Everwood. We enjoyed it so much we didn’t want it to end. We would be so taken by the depth of the story that one night Tess said, you just can’t say anything, you can’t say more than what it already said. She felt that way about books or movies or even music. If she liked it she liked it. She didn’t want to talk about it or hear other opinions about it, especially negative opinions, why? Why would you want someone to ruin something that you liked? And secretly I agreed with Tess. I mean I liked the book club. I like reading the book and preparing for the discussion. I take it very seriously and do a big production. Tess never went to a book club meeting. Not mine not anybodies. Tess never recommended a book to me. We never talked about any books. It frustrated me. One time I made the comment when I was gathering up a bunch of paperbacks to donate, Boy you spend a lot of money on books… she never forgot that remark and never forgave me. Boy you spend a lot of money on books…

I said a lot of stupid things… I did read one book that she was reading and enjoyed. It was a book written from a snails perspective. The snail would escape every night and travel around the room exploring every nook and cranny. I’ll need to try to find that book.

But every night we watched Everwood and every night we would say how much we liked it and the quality of it and we don’t want it to end and tonight I tried to watch it, on the episode where we left off and when that theme music started it made me cry. It was what we watched and now we is just me.

Yes, I am wallowing in self, well not self pity but a degree of self indulgence. Letters of thank you to friends who attended her service. People that have been so kind and so thoughtful. I am functioning and I guess I will function but all I feel is love for Tess. Yes I grew complacent and took her for granted at times. We even talked about that, how we had grown to trust and love each other so much that we kind of took it for granted. I took it for granted that she would always be here in the living room sitting back in her chair. Watching the TV but also at an angle where she wa watching me. That used to drive me nuts. She was watching my every move where I, I was just laying on the couch looking ahead at the TV. She would say, did you have a beer? I might say yes and then oh then she would say you’ll be asleep in 10 minutes and sometimes she was right. Sometimes I would lie awake all night in bed but I could fall asleep on the couch. Now,I know it’s because she was there. She was there, tilted back in her recliner, the recliner that she said was still fine, it still works and it fits me. We finally got where we could afford a nice new recliner. We started looking on line and the adds are still coming in but baby girl didn’t want a new recliner. She liked her recliner. All she wanted was to stay up until 1100 pm because that’s what her daddy did. He didn’t go to bed until 11 even if he fell asleep in his chair. And that’s what Tess would do. I’d go to bed around 10. I’d take Zeke out but I’d go upstairs. She’d say you’re not going to sleep. You’re playing chess, your watching YouTube about AI and Electric cars and she was right. There was what I watched and what she watched and what we watched. Tonight I’m watching what we watched but I’m watching it all alone.

Fwd: Tess Tintle Service Video

Pete and Tess

Begin forwarded message:

From: "Mr. Pete" <PeteAndTess@gmail.com>
Date: May 6, 2024 at 10:45:25 PM EDT
To: Amber Marsden <amarsden@altmeyer.com>
Subject: Re: Tess Tintle Service Video



Amber,

I am So Happy and relieved that it is there. I didn't think that I was ready to watch it, and I'm not really, but I had to skip ahead just to make sure it was all there and it is and I am thrilled! My only question is who was that shriveled up little hunched over old man walking back and forth to the podium??? Oh, that was me… 

God what a life we had together. 

Thank you Amber for recording and preserving our last moments of tribute to Tess. She was a great lady and somehow our paths came together to build this great life together. I'm going to include the link to our 45th Anniversary video that holds within it the memories of how it all began.

Pete and Tess Wedding 1978 youtu.be

I've said thank you enough to where I'm even sick of hearing it. I'll look forward to getting your link via email and I'm sure it will work out fine. It's pretty amazing the unexpected turns that life takes to bring you where you are. Believe me when I say I never imagined myself corresponding with a funeral director on such a personal level. I couldn't say this in person to you any more than I could deliver that eulogy, but I want you to know that what you are doing and the sincerity of heart with which you do it is very, very meaningful. As you shared, a bad experience can last a lifetime. Know that you are giving families an experience of peace and reassurance that has the power to change their loss and sadness into hope and joy. It's a gift.

Much love,

Pete and Tess

https://churchstreetfuneral.com/obituary/tess-elaine-tintle/

On May 6, 2024, at 9:35 PM, Amber Marsden <amarsden@altmeyer.com> wrote:



Pete, 

I just reviewed the video and it seems to continue on after the 8 minute mark. I have uploaded the recording to the website for you to view and check out. I will redownload it tomorrow and make a new copy for you. In the meantime, I will work on getting you a link to download it from the cloud. I will be in touch tomorrow, I am sorry for the trouble. 

Church Street Funeral & Cremation

Thank you so much for allowing us to serve your family. One of our best compliments to get is a Google review, it helps family-owned businesses like ours so much.

On Mon, May 6, 2024 at 7:56 PM Mr. Pete <peteandtess@gmail.com> wrote:

Hi Amber,
I was able to transfer the videos from your USB to my iPad but there is a little hitch in the get along. The service video starts when Richard ushers in the family but it stops or turns black with no sound at the 8 minute mark. The video does continue for a length of 1:03:27 but it is blank after the first 8 minutes. I'm hoping this is just a glitch in the copying process so would you mind checking your original recording to see if it is complete? You might try emailing me your digital recording directly as we had talked about.
Sorry to be a pain and many thanks for your efforts. I'll check back with you today or tomorrow.

Thanks Again,


Pete and Tess

Eric

In Loving Memory of Eric Train
October 23, 1969 – March 13, 2013
We are joined here today to honor the memory of Eric our beloved son, brother, father and
friend.
His gifts to each of us are reflected in the very fact of our being here and I thank all of you for
being with us now.
I do not presume to unravel or explain the complexities of life or answer any of the burning
questions that all of us have. My place is very simply to be thankful for the time we have
together and to be reminded from time to time just how precious and how fragile life is.
Eric was a perfectionist living in an imperfect world. He was the smartest, funniest, kindest and
caringest person we knew. Eric had a love for nature and our environment. He had compassion
for people and passion for fairness. In his games of cowboys and Indians he was the Indian. He
learned about the animals of the forest and the fishes of the sea. He knew every kind of shark by
its genus and species right down to its teeth. In the world of dogs he knew every breed by its
color and coat, by its traits and its talents. Eric knew every canine breed from Akita to Shih tZu
and for years I thought he might want one of each and he did have quite a few. From Pasha the
Siberian to his Great white Pyrenees, a Tibetan Mastiff and two Pit bulls, he could name them
all with ease. He loved Chester our dachshund and Chance our cocker but most of all he loved
his golden retriever Keeshe. He picked Keeshe out from the litter in Clinton SC. It was a very
special day in our lives. Keeshe looked like all the others but he retrieved Eric's keys, unaware
this was a test, but in that moment he won Eric's heart and they would forever be friends.
And among those other true friends are many of you sitting with us here today. And I know you
sit in stillness and I know you wonder why. And I offer up no answers but I know your lasting
friendships were very strong, very true and very real. John and Mike and Brent and Steven,
these were the names we knew so well and You were all part of a great adventure living in
Vanderbilt Hills. These were happy happy days of riding bikes and playing ball. Happy days of
being kids of being filled with piss and vinegar, energy and pure joy. I wish those days would
last forever, I wish we could go back in time but that's what memories are for. That's what
memories are for.
If any of you would like to share a story. I'd love you to take this time to share. Like the time
y'all got the Honda wagon stuck in the creek and even the tow truck could not get it out.
Of all the kids in the old neighborhood and Eric loved you all. In our eyes he was strongest,
smartest, funniest and coolest kid of all.
God bless Eric for all his strength and weakness too, in his sadness and his joy, he is part of me
and part of you. For bringing Aaron and Laura, Abby and Lenna into our lives. Aaron your
father loved you much more than words could ever say. He guarded and protected you and
wanted the best in every way. And Lenna he admired your strength and knows you are college
bound. So to Aaron and Lenna please know that you are loved and live each day with optimism,
hope and confidence newly found.
I ask that we hold each other's hands and reach out to each other's heart. For in each of us Eric
lives on and today is our fresh start.
Recitations:
The Serenity Prayer
God grant us serenity
To accept things we cannot change
Courage to change the things we can
And wisdom to know the difference
The LORD Is My Shepherd
A Psalm of David.
1 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3 He restoreth my soul:
he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;
thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:
thou anointest my head with oil;
my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever
Amen

The Lord's Prayer
Our Father who art in Heaven,
Hallowed be thy name;
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread;
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us;
And lead us not into temptation

But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the Kingdom
The Power and the Glory
Forever and ever Amen


Sent from my iPad

Fwd: UMC live updates: United Methodists remove same-sex wedding ban

Pete and Tess

Begin forwarded message:

From: "Mr. Pete" <PeteAndTess@gmail.com>
Date: May 5, 2024 at 10:41:08 AM EDT
To: Linda Epstein <linda301@mac.com>, Lauren Fuller <c.lauren.fuller@icloud.com>
Subject: UMC live updates: United Methodists remove same-sex wedding ban



I thought I'd  send this headline out to both of you. This would be the kind of thing that Tess and I would talk about. It was just a few years ago that the church had split up over this issue but now they're coming back together. 

Tess was raised in the church. She would say that many, many times. I was raised in the church, we went to church every Sunday and every Wednesday night. She knew every hymn and sometimes when we were watching tv she would stop on one of those religious stations and sing along, knowing every chorus and every word. Her church was her community, her extended family. They lived in the parish house and moved every four years. Her mom would get there ahead of time and fix it to where it would feel like home when they arrived. The minister's wife had very specific roles and responsibilities and one was singing in the choir. The minister was also a family counselor and comforter. Tess was the preachers kid and that came with a lot of pressures. When she was a toddler she used to have a habit of taking her clothes off. She told the story of Lee Lee calling out after her at supper time, Tess Elaine… Tess Elaine…

Then she said, I don't know where she is but wherever she is she's stark naked…

They would often be invited to a parishioners house for dinner and to watch TV because in those days they didn't have their own TV and it was something very special like going to the movies. They watched Milton Burl, Uncle Milty on a small screen black and white TV. On Sundays all the stores were closed and they would walk downtown and window shop. The most memorable gift Tess ever got, there were two, she got a set of roller skates with a key and one year she got a portable radio. She was So excited about her little radio but she wasn't allowed to play that rock and roll music so she had to sneak off to do that. Her Papa was such a gentle and tolerant man but there were a couple of times when she got in trouble for using a 'bad word'. She got a whippin' which is what happened to kids in those days but Papa told her later he was sorry. She, to this day, would say a word, then stop and say, I said a bad word. This was so cute and innocent. There was not a word she ever said that didn't come out sweet and innocent somehow.

These issues of gay marriage and the southern flag and racism were never big or divisive issues when Tess was growing up. She always said that integration took place very quietly in her experience and the flag was just something they were proud of, not racist. She always had a warm and loving attitude towards good people and she especially loved gay guys. She was always so fascinated by how creative and smart they are. She had a friend at work who was trans and she was curious but never judgmental. So when Joey and John Michael came into her life she was completely enamored and just Loved Joey completely. She thought John Michael was the funniest guy alive. 

She often said her Papa was a true Christian. He followed the teachings of Jesus. He entered the ministry because he felt 'a calling' to do so. He packed Lee Lee and Barry into their little car and went off to Kentucky, I think it was, to go to college and to join the ministry. This was a huge, huge step and nothing guaranteed. But Papa and Lee Lee followed their calling and created a whole new life for their family from what they would have had in the mill village.

So gay marriage wasn't an issue. It wasn't a subject but I know that for Tess it was total choice of the people making it. It was just as much love as for anyone  and I know it was a sad thing to see the church so divided over it and a good thing to see the Methodist Church rejoined as the United Methodist Church once again.

United Methodists officially lift same-sex wedding ban in final blow to LGBTQ+ restrictions

The UMC General Conference lifted a 28-year-old prohibition on United Methodist clergy and churches blessing same-sex unions, the last major decision by the assembly to remove longstanding anti-LGBTQ+ restrictions.

https://www.tennessean.com/story/news/religion/2024/05/03/united-methodist-church-umc-general-conference-same-sex-marriage-budget-cuts/73505594007/

Pete and Tess

UMC live updates: United Methodists remove same-sex wedding ban

United Methodists officially lift same-sex wedding ban in final blow to LGBTQ+ restrictions

The UMC General Conference lifted a 28-year-old prohibition on United Methodist clergy and churches blessing same-sex unions, the last major decision by the assembly to remove longstanding anti-LGBTQ+ restrictions.

https://www.tennessean.com/story/news/religion/2024/05/03/united-methodist-church-umc-general-conference-same-sex-marriage-budget-cuts/73505594007/

Pete and Tess