I added this passage from Corinthians to my blog this morning. Ironically I had named the blog 1000 Reasons to Love Hendersonville but this morning I’m thinking more about the reasons I love Tess. We ended up in a big fight the other night. My intention, when I started, was to express my concerns about her state of health. She quickly agreed that she would get her bloodwork done and that would explain if she had a vitamin deficiency that could be addressed. She has gotten B vitamins before and it seemed to work wonders. I should have stopped there but I went on to say that her symptoms of physical weakness and social avoidance started long ago. This is where I went wrong. People do love her. They want to be closer to her. I want to be closer to her but I really blundered on this attempt and this morning I want to make amends. 

The only thing that matters to me is Tess. She is the one person in this world who chose to love me. To put up with me and in many ways forgive me in my blunders. I often say I didn’t mean it that way when she hears my words as judgement ‘Oh I know, it’s always my fault’ she will say. Do I really sound that way?  Love is not self seeking… it’s not my place to judge or fix but to Listen, to Hear and be Patient. Sometimes after fights like this I find myself apologizing and almost groveling and that’s no good either. Yesterday I said, I just need to shut the fuck up…. That was no good either and she let me have it. I Never should have used that word even if directed at myself. Even if it’s true. I do need to shut up…. 

Somehow I will try again. I am afraid. I don’t want to loose her. She is very weak. Very feeble. Whatever the cause or causes are I cannot talk her into doing things that I think might help. I need to let her drive her own truck and be there to support the good choices she makes. Love is not self seeking… on every level I need to be aware that her needs and ways are more important than mine. 

I have a thousand reasons to love Hendersonville but the first and only real reason is because I love Tess. I need to remember and remind myself of that. I need to read Corinthians and let it sink in.