What’s the worst that can happen?

 What’s the worst that can happen?

That’s a question I sometimes ask myself in order back away from anxiety. I am having a great deal of anxiety despite my life being almost perfect in every possible way. A loving wife and family. A house and car, no debt and money in the bank. So what’s the worst that can happen? Death? Not afraid of it, almost welcome it to escape this constant pain. So this injury and this pain and now wondering if this is temporary or the new me as I said to a neighbor friend today. This pain is hurting me physically and emotionally. But will it go away? Probably.

A stock market crash and loss of all my money? Losses yes but probably not a collapse. 

Racism in America? Yes, but last night in the show Yellowstone the Native American told the man who had married his native daughter go home to your family you are not one of us. He also referred to the nature of man. The destructive nature of man. Until you can change the nature of man you must return to your own family.

Fascism in America? Yes, Trumpism is a form of minority rule but not quite Nazism. There is a lot of hatred towards the Jews and there has been throughout time. It seems to be based in envy and jealousy. It bothers me a lot but they seem to do okay.

The 2nd Second Amendment - Our Constitution and the Bill of Rights are profound documents representing the codification of ideals that protect average citizens from power brokers and dictators. 250 years of our democracy have been based upon and depend upon the thoughtful application of the words and the principles incorporated in these documents. Today these documents have been pushed aside and replaced by the meme ‘the second amendment’. That statement is repeated as a mantra by right wing advocates as if it is an oath of loyalty that prohibits and level of scrutiny. That amendment, written in 1791, articulates the right to bear arms. Arms that were, at that time in history, single shot muscats Not AR15 Machine guns. But now the citizens that is amendment was written to protect are being held hostage by right wing bullies. Ironically the very type of people that the original 2nd amendment was written to protect. And you know what prevents us from having any reasonable discussion the denigration and pejorative application of the word Liberal.  

Lack of sleep. Insomnia and now insomnia with pain. It is driving me crazy but in reality I’m not crazy and will never be crazy. I do need pain medication. I’m trying to space it out and hoping that the Orthopaedics can give me more. I’m hoping that is acupuncture and easy massage can help. I just wish I could turn my mind Off. But I can’t or I haven’t found out how to do it. Of everything I wish I could just go to sleep. Stop the constant thinking. That is the magic I am looking for. The thing that many people take for granted. The thing that many people do every night. The thing that Tess now kind of brags about. Just close my eyes and go to sleep. My leg pulls back in pain. I continue this sentence. I’m going to stop and try again to close my eyes but… insomnia, pain, constant thinking… it will probably win again until I surrender to a comforting cup of coffee.

And lastly, tonight, the war in Ukraine. This, the horror of the inhumanity of Putin and the horror of being attacked as the people in Ukraine are being attacked. They are living the real torture. This is a torture only in my mind. For this I pray. Please God, that there is Goodness in our much flawed human nature. Please God stop this war.

God,

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can and

Wisdom to know the difference