Tess- Everwood

 There were shows that I watched, shows that she watched and shows that we watched. One that we watched was Everwood. Every night between 8 and 9 we would watch our show. It might be a movie, with a star like Jennifer Aniston or Reese Witherspoon or it might be a show like Everwood. We enjoyed it so much we didn’t want it to end. We would be so taken by the depth of the story that one night Tess said, you just can’t say anything, you can’t say more than what it already said. She felt that way about books or movies or even music. If she liked it she liked it. She didn’t want to talk about it or hear other opinions about it, especially negative opinions, why? Why would you want someone to ruin something that you liked? And secretly I agreed with Tess. I mean I liked the book club. I like reading the book and preparing for the discussion. I take it very seriously and do a big production. Tess never went to a book club meeting. Not mine not anybodies. Tess never recommended a book to me. We never talked about any books. It frustrated me. One time I made the comment when I was gathering up a bunch of paperbacks to donate, Boy you spend a lot of money on books… she never forgot that remark and never forgave me. Boy you spend a lot of money on books…

I said a lot of stupid things… I did read one book that she was reading and enjoyed. It was a book written from a snails perspective. The snail would escape every night and travel around the room exploring every nook and cranny. I’ll need to try to find that book.

But every night we watched Everwood and every night we would say how much we liked it and the quality of it and we don’t want it to end and tonight I tried to watch it, on the episode where we left off and when that theme music started it made me cry. It was what we watched and now we is just me.

Yes, I am wallowing in self, well not self pity but a degree of self indulgence. Letters of thank you to friends who attended her service. People that have been so kind and so thoughtful. I am functioning and I guess I will function but all I feel is love for Tess. Yes I grew complacent and took her for granted at times. We even talked about that, how we had grown to trust and love each other so much that we kind of took it for granted. I took it for granted that she would always be here in the living room sitting back in her chair. Watching the TV but also at an angle where she wa watching me. That used to drive me nuts. She was watching my every move where I, I was just laying on the couch looking ahead at the TV. She would say, did you have a beer? I might say yes and then oh then she would say you’ll be asleep in 10 minutes and sometimes she was right. Sometimes I would lie awake all night in bed but I could fall asleep on the couch. Now,I know it’s because she was there. She was there, tilted back in her recliner, the recliner that she said was still fine, it still works and it fits me. We finally got where we could afford a nice new recliner. We started looking on line and the adds are still coming in but baby girl didn’t want a new recliner. She liked her recliner. All she wanted was to stay up until 1100 pm because that’s what her daddy did. He didn’t go to bed until 11 even if he fell asleep in his chair. And that’s what Tess would do. I’d go to bed around 10. I’d take Zeke out but I’d go upstairs. She’d say you’re not going to sleep. You’re playing chess, your watching YouTube about AI and Electric cars and she was right. There was what I watched and what she watched and what we watched. Tonight I’m watching what we watched but I’m watching it all alone.