It only hurts when I laugh

 Wednesday I went to physical therapy and after a little conversation and review of my recent EMG Nerve Conduction Test it turns out I don’t have any. The nerve that pulls my feet up is dead. Eric, my PT, pulled the plug on the e-stim machine that had been trying to ‘wake up that nerve’. So now, with one little ray of hope faded, I did a few more obligatory stretches and was sent home. I told my PT that if I knew the purpose of an exercise and it would help me, I would do the shit out of it. But he offered no magic bullet so Foot Drop it is and this is the new me. Yippie!

I went home pretty exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally, went upstairs to lie down but soon I heard my iPhone buzz and it was John asking if I wanted to go for a beer. Hell yes! So he picked me up and in a few minutes we were talking about stuff and laughing here and there. John has really proven to be a great friend and probably now more than ever. Admittedly blunt, he can say things that might rattle you but I just think he’s funny. We agree on a lot of basic values and where we don’t agree I just laugh and learn. He drove me home and I soon shared a bit of gossip with Tess that will remain private for the moment.

Later that night Tess and I were watching America’s Got Talent, a show that I have really come to appreciate for its humanitarian qualities. Some people truly do have talents that often remain buried because they do not fit the mold. Tonight was a young lady who could barely state her name and place because her stutter and stammer were so debilitating. She then sang a song she had written that was so stunning, so beautiful and pure, that it brought tears of wonder and joy to our eyes.

We paused the program and I took Zeke out for his walk. We went down the side grass strip just across the street. We’ve done it a million times. Even in my tottering state it’s an easy walk. Zeke likes to stop and smell the roses or whatever aromas there are embedded in the grass and he, at times, just likes to Stop! Often he will Stop and just lie down on the sidewalk, like what’s the big hurry? I then go into a series of strategies including waiting him out, then tugging upward with verbal persuasion and many times just tucking him under my arm and carrying him on our way. But tonight I was on the sidewalk and he was just a few feet above me on the grassy knoll. Come on Zeke, I gave a tug. But when the tug resistance slipped I instantly knew I was in trouble. He looked at me with those little brown eyes and immediately realized he was free. Whatcha gonna do now Daddy? He gleamed.  Hence began a long night of elderly Keystone Cops. It was 10 pm, dark and quiet. I knew he wouldn’t actually run away he just wanted play a game of keep away. It’s a fun game we love to play in the house but out here, not so much. I quickly tottered home on my cane. I didn’t want to leave him but it was only yards away so I could keep him in my sights. I got the keys to Tess’s car because my keys were upstairs. Zeke loves to go for a ride so maybe I can do this before Tess finds out, I hoped. What’s going on? I heard her voice. Nothing! I backed out and drove the hundred feet down to Zeke inviting him to go for a ride to Little Ingles but he wasn’t buying it. Meanwhile Tess came out on the front steps and asked again What is  going on!? No problem honey I lied, please go back inside. But Tess was not buying that. So ultimately  both of us were down the street, in my car, negotiating with Zeke who was frolicking around me grinning ear to ear while calling out in his Wooo Wooo Wooo bark with great earnest and delight. Always staying close at hand but never close enough for me to catch. Oh yeah, he was stark naked in his neatly trimmed doggy fur, which allowed him to slip right out of his handsome bright green safety harness now laying useless to the side. While making quite a racket, I was almost hoping someone would come outside. It’s a whole different world now that we don’t have David and Debbie or Kim and George. Little Pete and Tess are all by themselves. So we worked our plan. Tess would offer him a Paul Newman peanut butter treat and Pete would try to grab him while distracted. Easier said than done and this is where it hurts. Momma offered the treat but fell onto the street. Daddy said I’ll get you but his leg shot through with lightning and he fell trying to pick her up. Suddenly there we were, two little old people sprawled out on the asphalt wondering what just happened??? I just had to laugh at the thought.  As we struggled to get back up into the car I noticed that Zeke had gone over to lie down on the sidewalk to watch. Well the process of getting back into the car was quite cumbersome and time consuming but somewhere during this part of the drama little Zeke decided that he did want to go for a ride after all, came back over to the car and helped me jump him into the back seat. Now, with Zeke safely on board we were able to get Tess in the front seat and drive the 100 feet back to our parking spot on the side of the house. We got back inside our little home sweet home.  Be it ever so humble, we knew, I knew, we had just dodged a bullet. I got a glass of wine, three young ladies sang an original country song, ‘You can have him back Jolene’ and were awarded the Golden Buzzer from all four judges and Terry Cruze. Zeke had long gone upstairs to get in my bed where I soon followed. He was happy as a clam nestled in his blankets while daddy resumed our routine of tossing him a chewy every time he whimpers. I took a few pain meds meds to help me drift off to dreamland thinking….Getting old is quite an adventure. It only hurts when I laugh. 😂