Drop foot brace

This whole Drop Foot Condition is new to me and with it a flurry of adaptive gadgets. This device is soft, easy to put on over a sock and comfortable to wear. The bottom platform provides minimal support to my foot to help maintain the 80 to 90 angle that I can no longer do on my own. Once I put it on over my socks it can stay on for hours with complete comfort so I put on my shoes, or slippers or just in my socks to help function in different settings through the day and night. This is a minimal cost, non invasive accommodation that is helping me keep my toes from dragging.  Because of its comfort I forget it’s there so It’s on my foot in the middle of the night without having to stop and think about it or put something on like other devices that attach to your shoes. I think it’s a great product and I’m glad I found it.

https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B07F3XLX5R?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details

In the stages of grief, I joked that I’m in the initial stages of Shock and Denial. In those first few days after someone dies, your very busy notifying people and making arrangements. It’s not until everyone goes home that the loneliness of loss settles in all around you and you start to realize this is it. She’s gone. I lost my Dad and I thought, I need to grow up. I lost my Mom and I lost the one person who truly loved me. I was excited when I knew I was going to have a baby, have you. There is no one else who can ever say that except my mom. I lost Eric and it’s the way he left us, on purpose, that bothers me. Actually haunts me. He chose to leave and I think what pain must have gone on in his mind. I feel the burden of Why and guilt.  But yet in pictures I just came across yesterday, I saw happiness in his eyes and in his smile when he was a boy. When he was the boy I met, loved and took care of. I have to remind and reassure myself of the good I shared in his life.

At first I thought I was going to the doctor to get fixed. The MRI, physical therapy, the EMG diagnostic testing. I thought it all had a purpose, to find out what to do, to find out how to fix it. It’s still a topic of its own newness. What happened? What are you doing? What are they doing? But it’s aging out. I’m going to get a doctors opinion next week but I think I already know. That’s it. Drop Foot. You don’t fix it you learn to live with it. You accept it. This is now me. This is now just part of who I am. And I am sad. I mean I’m not sad all the time and I very much count my blessings but I’m sad too. And in this moment, I’m just sad. The pain is less. This morning it’s like hearing little fireworks in the distance. Not the explosions I was feeling before the shot. I’m going to go back to reading my fix your own back book. I need to keep busy.